How Big Is Your Clitoris?

Did your computer flag this as questionable content? Sure sounds like it, but, no, I'm not selling any sort of weird suction devise. Today's message is all about: cliteracy. An understanding of the female body and women's pleasure that transcends media stereotypes and all the stuff in porn. (I'm not saying you can't watch porn. Just remember, like Meghan Trainor sings, "we know that sh*t ain't real."  

I always thought that women's sexuality was important. I'm a romance writer; I better! What I didn't realize was that a lot women, especially young women, aren't getting good information about their bodies. So I'm on a mission to share love and knowledge. Like the size of the clitoris!

I'm on a mission to share love and knowledge.

There it is! It looks just like that...well, okay, not really. But please appreciate that I didn't hit you with a full-on A&P textbook image. I know about trigger warnings.  I don't want to freak anyone out. And by the way, please share some love with Designs by Duvet Days who creates and sells this (and other) beautiful, stylized images of the female body. I bought this image for $10 which is a small price to pay for art...although the name Designs by Duvet disappointed me a bit because I thought I could by an actual duvet with this image which would be awesome.

Anyway, what you see here is the clitoris. Before I got cliterate, I knew there was more to it than the outside "button," but I didn't fully understand the anatomy. It's about 10 centimeters long. It has four wings (like a butterfly except not exactly). 

I'm reading Dr. Emily Nagoski's Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. While the title is really sexy, she's got a lot of "because science" in there. And a lot of rat studies...but it's super interesting. You know what she says about the clitoris and the penis? They have more in common than people think. The big difference is that one is on the inside and one is on the outside.  

And yet the penis gets sooo much play in romance novels while the clitoris is treated like a little lemon wedge on the fish and chips platter that is heterosexual sex. (I recently gave a lecture on bad metaphors. Do you like that one?)  

I've got so much to say about how this relates to writing romance sex scenes, but I'll save the deets for another post. can join me in NYC this summer! My conference proposal for the Romance Writers of America just got accepted. I'll be presenting "A Lesbian’s Guide to Straight Sex: How to Make Your Heroes Better Lovers with Tips from a Sapphic Sister." The sex in my novels is real enough to teach women (and hopefully men!) about women's pleasure. I'm determined that writers will leave with sexier sex scenes and at least one woman will go on to have better sex. You're welcome : )

Join me at the conference and check out my romance novels! Happy Valentines Day. Don't forget to share some love with someone in your life.