Writing Sex Scenes as an Asexual w/Christine Danse

Today I'm delighted to host Christine Danse on Let's Write About Sex.

Christine Danse lives, teaches, and writes speculative fiction romance in the Willamette Valley. Pronouns: She/her. Visit her at www.christinedanse.com


When you write sex scenes do you feel or worry that people will assume you’re writing about your own sex life? Why or why not? Or how do you feel about this?

That's an interesting question. I’m asexual (or demi, considering a certain circumstance) and there’s not a whole lot of sex life to be writing about. I have worried people will assume I'm writing about my own fantasies--which have not made it onto a page, to be clear.

The closest I've come to writing about my own sex life is a scene in a work-in-progress. In it, the ace bi-romantic heroine engages in a consensual but not terribly pleasant sexual interaction which helps cement her identity in her mind. Interesting, to look back at a real event through the lens of a story. I’m not concerned about people wondering whether the scene is based on my own life. I kind of hope it means something to readers with similar questions and similar experiences.

And I am a little worried people will catch on there's not a sex life, that the physically intimate scenes don't smack of enough authenticity (no pun intended?). But I'm beginning to care less about writing the skin-and-sweat details and more about expressing the emotions--because that's the part I'm interested in. That's the part I want to get right. I still like sex scenes. Sex is important to me, but only in the context of a deep relationship. There's a lot to be said about the trust, the warmth, the humor and ridiculousness and seriousness of sex.

Christine recommends the following documentaries for people interested in learning more about the asexuality.

Let's Write About Sex is hosted by Karelia Stetz-Waters, English professor, latte aficionado, rose gardener, and lesbian romance writer. Check out her latest release, Worth the Wait.